he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Someone shattered a urinal.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
