Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I am naked and annoyed.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize