I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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