OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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