This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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