Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Can you bring me the toilet please
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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