I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
