dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
