I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
