I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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