i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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