I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
