Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
tell me about the eggs
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
