I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize