I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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