Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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