listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
