I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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