the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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