There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
