i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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