She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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