I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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