And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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