1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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