oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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