my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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