I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
