May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
