the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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