I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
