I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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