This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
