the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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