Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
