The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize