Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
