Where is the hickey?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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