so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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