i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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