my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
