yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
