what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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