You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot