it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
no, he came in my armpit
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.