"it" just moved
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
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That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
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You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.