Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
There r osticjed everywhere
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
