i may or may not be watching the land before time
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.