MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
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Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
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Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.