Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
