You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
