My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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