Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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