Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
