just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she told me i tasted like america
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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