Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
