i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
