just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
