I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize