Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
