you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
