They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
