He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
