We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
