I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
