By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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