You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
