if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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