dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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