why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
someone owes me an orgasm
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
