So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
