he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
