Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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