oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
do nipples grow back?
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