Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
